The consolations of a leaf

I wonder if my interest in AI follows the same curve as my weight. Up and down, up and down. And lately, it has hit a plateau I think.

Maybe it is the season, maybe just an excuse to slow things down, or maybe, I just feel like it. I have been trying to figure out why, and it is getting nowhere. Lack of purpose? Or too much of it?

The past few months, I have been learning AI to pick up a new skill, to fix something at work, to test a new model, to build apps I want. And I only realized later that somewhere along the way, I turned everything into a resource, or something useful to serve a purpose, and stopped looking at things as they are.

Earlier today, on the way back from my lunch break, I noticed a red autumn leaf on a tree by the road. It swayed a few times in the afternoon sun.

I stood there and looked at it for a while, then took a photo. Yes, a writing resource. Even writing this note down is a purpose, I suppose. But for a minute or two, I was just looking at it, nothing needed to become anything.

That reminded me of a sign I saw the other day at a cafe, while I was waiting for breakfast. It said: the chaos can wait. I think most things can. The newsletters, the new models, the new APIs, the new words for old things.

Tonight, after the kids were asleep, I was in the kitchen with my headphones on and clearing up the dishes. My partner tapped me on the shoulder. I pressed pause. He seemed excited.

“Have you tried Opus 5.5 yet?”

“Nah,” I shrugged.

“What are you listening to?”

“Philosophy,” I said.

“Oh, I’m out of here then,” he said, half joking, and went back to his computer.

Heidegger, actually, I wanted to say.